This guest blog post is from a friend of Trixies, Christina Davis of Outside In Consulting. She is radiant human that we’ve had the pleasure to work with.
Please enjoy her words of wisdom and embrace that beautiful confidence we know you all have!
“The worst clothing is the kind that tries to undo, ignore or hide where or who you are.” -Dr. Jennifer Baumgartner
Understanding your power words and shaping your confidence.
I work with people on their power wordsâ€¦What are Power words? They define who we are and how we show up. So many of us are held victim to rules we have either written ourselves or believe to be true. We have this idea of what we should say or how we should dress based on what we were taught or what we have assumed learning from others. The real question is really “How do you want to be known? What do you want to come to mind when people think of you? Does your outside match THAT? Outside-In. Power words are our vehicle to authenticity.
It all starts with confidence which is something I had to learn over time. Being who we are wherever we are. Confidence has to do with self-awareness. It’s an understanding of who you are, what you believe and the willingness to stay true to that in all situations. It means that not everyone will like you or be drawn to you and it’s also an acceptance that that is ok. Confidence can be cultivated in our children and can also be developed in ourselves even if we have not always had it. It involves taking risks and being willing to “Do it afraid”. It certainly involves being willing to speak up and stand out. Confident people also give credit willingly to others and raise others up because they don’t view life as a competition. If you are bold, creative, an entrepreneur and a risk taker and you show up in muted hues and soft floral and a conservative bob hairdo, are you leading with who you are? Are others confused? Someone meeting you for the first time might see soft, kind, humble and honest and you would not be leading with your Power words, you might be leading with someone else’s. What do you want to lead with? What makes you unapologetically, unforgettably, you? (Thanks, Whitney Warne, for making those words common household language around here).
My journey to self-confidence has been shaped by interactions with others. I am a self-identified “M&M” with a hard (confident) shell and a warm squishy center. I come across as confident and truly AM comfortable with who I am but to be completely honest and vulnerable, it still does hurt when someone doesn’t like me or “get me”. It has taken time for me to realize that authentic relationships only exist if we are who we REALLY are with others and that it’s too hard to please everyone. We sacrifice too much when we sacrifice ourselves. As a result, confidence means being willing to feel hurt sometimes and it means that we will surprise others with our response. People will think confident people never fail, that they are always tough, that they can handle all life dishes out. In reality confident people need another’s shoulder occasionally too
Boldness, which is often expressed with dramatic color, texture and mixed patterns and and edgier color and cut, can sometimes get a bad rap. If you’re confident you’re showy or conceited, intimidating or “too much” for some people. Here’s the reality: if you are “too much” for people, they are probably not your “people” they are someone else’s. Your “too much” will be just right for the people that really want to be in your life and you in theirs.
Confidence is also not arrogance. Confidence is knowing where strengths lie and letting others lead in areas where you don’t excel. What’s interesting is that we tend to give an overabundance of encouragement to those that are less confident and I would say that confident people need a “thank you” or a “good job” just as much as anyone else and often don’t get them. Make sure they get that from you.
In my business, I spend a lot of time working with (mostly) women on representing who they are on the inside through what is on the outside. Feeling confident means acknowledging clothes DO affect us psychologically. It’s OK to wear something that makes you feel beautiful even if it doesn’t look like what everyone else wears. You feel confident when you stand out not when someone says “Which one is she again?”. Confidence requires us to invest a bit and take care of ourselves. Women can be very selfless and ALWAYS put others first at their own personal expense. It is important for others and our children to see a mom (woman in their life) who likes who she has become and knows what she can give to the world. Confidence doesn’t mean you think you are good at everything; it just means you build a life where you spend most of your time doing things at which you do excel.
1. Show up
2. Be authentic
3. Make sure the outside matches the inside.
If you are creative, let that shine. If you are playful, reflect that. If you are soft, kind and gentle, make that what you lead with. Know your “power words” and represent them in the way you make your first impressionâ€¦.and if you need help, let me know. You will find it easier to build a cohesive wardrobe filled with only things you love AND won’t it be wonderful to know you are leading with your power.
Note: While it would be OK to feel confident all the time but most of us don’t. Humility is also an important trait and those who are confident do get knocked down occasionally. Growth comes from being able to learn now to get back up and overcoming those moments (ironically) makes us even more confident.